~ ~ ~ Passing Through ~ ~ ~: The Voice of the Struggle!

The Voice of the Confusion!

It hurts so badly! The demons have arrived and once again they have found their way into my head to look for and reach the most vulnerable areas, where the emotions of change, desire and power reside. And those can be in the left, right and center sides of my achy head. They are loud, my head feels heavy and their voices become a constant struggle day and night. It literally feels like a highway with a few ongoing lanes, where there is no limit, no signs, and no lights. The voices demand respect, obedience and nothing else. They are so powerful, with a force so much bigger than me. It is not always easy to understand what they are saying, sometimes they are confusing, they bring mixed signals, not always can be identified as good or bad. When I listen to them carefully, I think I am hearing positive vibes, which can bring good things to my life. I believe in changes, but I also believe in remaining still and comfortable. I enjoy feelings such as joy, happiness, peace and stability. But I am also attracted to the unknown, to the other side, to the echo that it brings. Sometimes I refuse to hear them, afraid they are not helping me in any way. Fortunately, they don't visit too often, but they always seem to visit during those times when I am facing moments of uncertainty, while making crucial decisions and when I am trying to fight against various emotions, which I feel at the time could be stopping me from thinking clear.

Mixed Emotions!

From time to time, I become very restless, and my most vulnerable emotions start acting up, working hard and wanting me to desire a change in power, even it means less than the best. Are they telling me to change, or are they telling me to stay? I ignore them and continue doing what I am doing, as I know myself well, that I not always accept change too well. The voices however, get louder and louder. I try to figure out what is best for me and try to understand why these inner voices are so much stronger than I am, unable to block them out, unable to defeat them. I can't control that force coming from inside me, so strong, demanding my action to change it now, at this moment and not one minute later. They don't allow me to think rationally. Another year going by, bringing some good surprises to my life and some agony as well! Mixed emotions surround exciting moments. Why at my age I am changing jobs, instead of embracing opportunities to travel more, relax and work less? I want to be left alone, comfortable with a head free of messaging voices and a mind that can go to sleep. Just a few weeks ago my friend Marie told me she was going to Scotland by herself on a tour with people she may have mutual interests with. She will be fulfilling one of her lifetime dreams. When I showed signs of envy, she reminded me of my past travels when I was younger, while she was fighting her own demons and voices. Here I am starting all over again in a new job, working along young men and women, who could be my kids. What an agony I feel some days! Marie reminded me one more time, to enjoy what God is providing me, to feel reinvigorated! Some people my age are fighting to find work, in this tough economy, whereas I am getting good job offers. She advised me to look forward, never to look back. Never to regret mistakes made, when the voices I followed guided me wrong. To try to achieve again and to take some time to enjoy the changes and the people I meet on the way. After all, I was the one who desired them, who looked for them, who subconsciously thought of them! But I was in the place I wanted 3 years ago, and said I would never leave again, until I couldn't work anymore! It was a long journey to get back there, after a long break due to circumstances beyond my control, and I feel like I blew it by leaving again for no reason of great significance.

The Voice of the Reason!

But I was told "there is always a reason for everything" and some day I will know what the reason is. For now, this is the first day of the rest of my life, and the lesson I keep learning is never to let the voices get me swayed by first impressions! I am sure you all reading this post can relate to it and identify yourselves with the voices that bring continuous struggle that can at any time interrupt our daily lives. You may be stronger than what you think you are, and you may tell yourself "I will beat this thing". But you can't, as it drains you to a point, where you become your most vulnerable being, and only time can shake it up, and bring you back to life. I think there is nothing we can do, as looking back, I ask myself if I possibly could ever stop the voices in my head? Of course not! I believe that whatever happens to us in our lives, it happens to make us stronger, by knowing what pain feels like, to grow along the way, to simply follow the path that was given to us and connect with the possible and the impossible of it all! We cannot predict what is coming, we cannot control fully our actions, we cannot separate the good from the bad. But what we can do, is believe in ourselves, accept who we are and do our best, so it doesn't hurt as badly. We can start some challenging of our own, by trying to transform the voice of the struggle into the voice of the reason. By eliminating the voice of the confusion, even if it takes time and more pain to make it work. Just keep walking straight ahead, along the path God created for you! Your Journey, My Journey and Their Journey is a Long Journey!♥ Follow the Voices inside You! They may Sound like Demons at times, but they were put in There for a Reason. It's Inevitable.

Wait and see... they all report to Voice of the Decision!